Baby in the House

My Son Chad and his wife Tiff live here with us. They have been trying for 2 years to have a child, she has had troubles and just this past summer had an ovary removed. And about 3 weeks ago, they got a puppy , our furry grand baby they said.
So much to our suprise, we found out today Tiff is indeed pregnant. And we are so very excited for them and us.. . Can't wait to meet this new little one, grandma loves you already baby!!!!!

Holding On

I am taking comfort in what I feel God has shown me to do with a situation I  have been praying about. It is hard to finally take the step, and yet freeing at the same time. I feel it will bless my  husband  that I have had a rational mind about  it. It is healthy for me and I pray any damage done by my own wantings of things will be redeemed.I know it will as my God is a God of redemption.It is almost feeling like a new beginning, though it is fall, I feel a spring breeze flowing through me. I will let God be God and I will be me, sitting at His feet learning the best way to do that, and sharing His love with others, and Hopefully blessing others along the way.
No more trying so hard to make things work in my flesh, I have not been me for a long time and I feel freedom, having myself back. The me who is simply in love with Jesus . I am so thankful that God holds me. I so need it.

Happy Birthday Honey

Happy birthday to my wonderful husband. Life may not always be easy but I do find it easier with you at my side. I am so thankful for your strength, and love. Your way of looking at things totally the opposite of me and helping me broaden my thinking. You are just the person I love and am so blessed to grow old with, and am so glad your are doing old before me, you set a good example, still know I am not gonna handle it as well as you, I think I will continue to fight it for a bit, but you so do grow old graceful well.
Could go on all day about how I love you and thank God for you. But will just keep this short and tell you to your dear face. Love ya babe!

Weight loss update

So on my weight loss journey, I am liking things lots, met with a registered dietitian last Friday and it was awesome, learning new ideas for eating,sure lots of people have heard them and maybe I had to in the past , but it was one of those things where you  go" light bulb" it finally was my time to really hear. It has been fun as yesterday we celebrated my honey's birthday and I had the kids eat slower with me, I need to chew things at least 25-30 times, and use the smaller plate, no bigger then 9 inch filling 1/2 with veggies and 1/4 with protein and 1/4 with starch, and that is going well, I love veggies so it helps. God has helped so much with the stress /emotional eating and cutting back on diet soda has helped. I did not know diet soda made you so much more hungry.
Plus we are slowing down the process a bit. I need 5 more dietitian visits at one a month, this way the healthy eating habits will be well ingrained in me, and the increased water won't be so hard to drink,  I will have completely given up diet soda and caffeine.
I feel very positive this is what I am to do, I have the insurance to do it at this time.
And it is time for me, I have never put time into myself , I give it to others, and so I am ready, and it feels good.
So excited to see what time brings, and what life changes will happen. I know  with God it will all be amazing.

I will Praise your name

Sitting at the kitchen table big deal for me as of lately that old ugly depression has reared it's ugly head, but it brought with it, lots of PTSD. And I let it take hold, of who I am, how I think, and cause me to hide.I love my bedroom, life basically stays away there. But I am excited, Ken and I are going to work on communication, it is one thing to talk and another to truly communicate. To allow both to have their voices   and not become over the top and go to bed for days.
I am also excited to see what I will have taken away from this time and what the Lord has been teaching me and  what  He will have me do with it, to help others I always hope that I can be of help to others.
Taking time off from Kids klub for a couple weeks to refocus, this is hard, I love the kids, and I love teaching them and miss them already, but if I am not the best me I can be,I can't give them the best and they need it so. That is the only thing I can hold on to as Satan would like me to feel like I have failed in some way, or that things will be better with out me and I would not be needed again. FEAR it can eat a person away, I am learning again and again, to not let it.
My sister has decided to have her stomach done with me, kinda like a biggest loser thing, she has less to lose, but is younger and has high blood pressure which I do not and so her health things are a need for her. . Excited for my appointment with the surgeon this week, I continue to work on the pre-surgery weigh loss, So thankful for this tool to help with this problem.Having Ken get a new leash for Rory so we can be out walking in this beautiful fall weather. Fall is my favorite season.

Who I am

Lately I have been having some hard days ,emotionally feeling sad, and looking for the right answer. I Believe so much in every word of this song, it is me, God is making me , I wanna be HIS work, not made by
a man, a thought usually negative, or a past that maybe was not perfect, but can still affect me strongly. so I am searching on letting go, and letting God, Oh I have always wanted to serve HIM, even as a young girl I thought about being a nun, serving him full time, mind you I am I am not Catholic nor I have ever been. Just a girl who wants to serve. I don't feel like am a leader though, I love  to serve side by side, to love and give time,love, listen, whatever a person needs.But I am not organized, I am not a great planner, I can do those things but they come so very hard to me, and cause such painful stress.
I truly believe I was not made to lead, but I don't want to give up teaching for lack of leading, Oh I am praying today that the right things work out , and that I can continue to serve, I don't want change, but maybe fall is bringing that in. Oh Lord show me what to do.As I have grown to love each precious child so very much, I only want what it best for them. Your will Lord not mine.

On the Weight front

Wow feast or famine on my  thinking and blogging, I need to lose 24 pounds before I can have surgery, I think after surgery for stress eating substitute, I will start race walking, as yesterday during stress, I wanted food, boy oh boy, but then I remembered my time at Birch Haven, great place in Clam Lake WI.Where I went to discipleship school, I lost weight and could walk to town in less then an hour and it was 5 miles . I want that back. That is one of the many questions you have to answer going into this, also committing to a life with no diet soda, or you will have weight gain, lots of water drinking, and possible vomiting if you eat to much or the wrong types of food, hey.... the reality is , this is a tool and I need a tool, I have tried and tried, I freak at 24 pounds cause hey if I could lose it, I would of already... also hair loss, that may be vanity. Working through that one. So my journey has begun, I have started meetings, and such and have periods of total excitement and others that dang chocolate thing comes up, but a lady I met through the meetings says the mini chocolate bars become enough and of course you only have one, but she said if you keep to the diet your stomach stays small enough to have one be enough. So knowing now the insurance will pay, and I am starting feels good. When I find a way to scan, we don't have one, will have to blog from my in laws, I will scan in the picture they took of me at the start, it is OK pic, and I usually hate pics of me. So we will do a now and a 100 pounds later one, and hopefully a few in between, unless of course I lose my hair, then all pics are OFF.

Overwhelmed

WOW some times I am just so not sure of how many blows can be thrown at ya at once, A little boy who came to church just 3 years old was beaten to death by his mom(40) and boy-friend (24) . Both are in custody, but I still ask myself why? How? Did I love enough like Jesus?
So many hurting young hearts that had babysat him, how do you comfort them? Yes he is on the Lap of Jesus, and no better place then that , but the pain still feels a bit much right now. So lots of hugs and tears and prayers were all I had to give.
Then I truly believed for the best in a situation and I thought it came about only to turn 180 on me this evening. I am so confused, should I keep going, give in and give up, I feel old.
To top it off, my dearest friend and cousin, fell and hurt herself , and her father is dying and because of dealing with the silly issue, I keep missing her call. Oh Jesus thank you for holding me, and hold each one that is missing Devin right now, and comfort their hearts. Holy Spirit rain down your comfort.