Friday, October 28, 2011

Weight, Pain and dirt!

I am a babbler, I get all nervous and I need to talk it out, like right now this very moment I should be trying my hardest to clean. My house is a mess, I have had back issues and let things slip. Well the herniated disc must be removed and I feel more crazy then I remember when I had a child, see that was a long time ago and I had months to get ready,
 I am lets get it done now type even if I have 9-10 months.   They saw me about 2 weeks ago and said surgery is highly needed , ran a few more tests only to confirm yes surgery is needed and it is in less then 2 weeks, wait a minute, how come I am seeing dust bunnies, actually fur bunnies every where since they called? Why is there black dog hair every where when he was suppose to be non shedding? Why do we have an invisible closet behind the couch?!?!?!? Like really non of us can carry anything to the proper place.
All these things are like on a scale of one to ten a ten right now, life is gonna happen no matter what I do, but hey maybe we could do with a little less fur and leaves, yes the dogs bring them in, everywhere.But I will find a way.

Great news on the weight front have lost 10 pounds so amazed, just met with the dietitian and she gave me 4 new goals so I will work on those also, this is also why the back DR was so wanting it fast, He wants me healed before my stomach surgery. SO yes I lost weight, ME ... food is losing it's ability to taste good any more, over my birthday I did let myself not diet , and I was able to give up all caffeine and sodas, so that is a grand accomplishment.

My pain makes it hard to sit, stand or lay to long, so that is a bummer , I have spent lots of time reading and praying and praying some more, I love that last night was hard to sleep but each time I woke , I had a song on my heart and sang myself back to sleep, yes in my head, not out loud, ha don't want to scare people,

Well this rant has helped, though I think and do believe I see dust every where, I feel better, Oh the price of free therapy is sweet.

Oh and if you see bunnies running around that look like half Samoyed and half CockerPoo, Dogs, nope they did not come from here you go ahead and keep them!!!!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Weight and life

Well I am gonna start on the weight front, I have again lost several pounds, and am so glad for that. I have completed my goal of giving up all diet soda and caffeine. And have made it through a very hard week with out going to stress eating or chocolate. Actually can not remember the last time I had chocolate. I am so glad for this and happy my body and mind are finding other ways to deal.

On the life front this past Sunday was one of the hardest of my life, I don't understand it at all. I love the Lord, I try to follow His word and still fall so very short, I am just so not worthy, I am so glad the Lord finds me worthy. Words have been said that have cut my heart so deep, I am trying to find my way out.
I feel lost. I am not longer working with Kids Klub and I thought that was the answer instead it hurts worse then I can take, my email gets things all the time with kid info. and my hurt reopens.
I don't understand attending a church where some people find me so offensive, and wrong and not able to hear from God.
I have never been able to understand how people can be so mean. I am struggling, and trying to tell my self only positive and truthful things. I have examined my heart and know none of it is what happened. But the idea of 4 against 1 and the thought that I am unable to be forgiven cause I don't ask right and if I hurt one I hurt all , so really who am I suppose to ask and why are you all talking about me and thinking of all these things anyways. And God what am I to do with it now??? Really  I need to know. SO I have spent lots of time reading, and praying and talking to people I respect. But it boils down to making a tough decision. and I hate those  So I wait ......I know God is on the other end of this so at least I am not alone.