Tuesday, September 4, 2012

A year ..

It has been one whole year since I started this weight loss journey. Not that I had not been trying to lose before, just this time it was different. I was so ready, I knew the tool I needed and set out to do what it would take to get that tool.
It has been a year of up and downs. Happy and sad. Learning and growing. God has held me through it all. As it at times has been bigger then I thought I could do.
One year ago I was teaching Kids Klub at church and loving it, it was such a special thing to me and I felt so very blessed to be used by the Lord to teach those children of His unfailing love. Those times ended, and though it was heart shattering, the Lord has healed my heart, I love Him so and He has grown me and taught me so very much. I wait His next move with much excitement.
Daily time spent with the Lord, is what gets me through, I love His word, and how no matter how many times I read it, He can always show me something new. I will forever be in awe of His amazing love, healing and care.
Had a back surgery that I did not fully understand and ended up with still having problems and am now looking at do I live with the pain or have a back fusion? I am believing for the Lord's guidance, I feel like I am young enough to do it and it could benefit me , yet I feel so old sometimes, because of the pain, so only time will tell. Plus add Fibro to the mix and chronic pain may be something I am just going to have to live with and learn and hopefully I can do it gracefully and be a blessing to others still.
We have another grandchild, and being involved with his little life keeps me so busy. Oh but such a joy he is.Our oldest grandson started Kindergarten today. WOW time so flies.
My youngest son is getting married in a month, I love his bride to be, and am so happy for him, though I find myself grieving the change, it is not terrible grief, just change, I do get a wonderful daughter-in law out of the deal.
It has been a year of clinging to the Lord through times of loneliness and grieving the loss of friends.
Last September I remember it being a sad time, and this year that has not hit. It is nothing short of a miracle. I am enjoying life, I still miss my friends, but the Lord knows that and I try to keep in contact , don't always get response from some, but I love them anyways and pray for them daily.
The Lord knows my desire for fellowship and only He can fill that .
Wow so much in so little time, and it went so fast. I feel good physically, I have enjoyed so very much, learning to eat well and take better care of myself. It is a life long journey. One I do not walk alone. I am so greatful for all the family support . And so thankful God cares about even the little things like needing clothes that fit better, and He gave them to me through my step-daughter and mom. It is wild I made my request known to no one but Him, so it was such a blessing . God is so good, and I am so thankful. So this fall, my favorite season, I am happy and rejoicing in change with out sorrow. The unknow with out fear for I am loved for who I am. And who I will become.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

A little poem

I have lost me some weight, and boy I am starting to feel great.
I have extra skin here, there and everywhere, If I were not afraid of heights, with these bat wings I could fly in the air.
I kind of don't mind as I am a grandma, and I think grandmas should be soft and fluffy,
I have spent way to much of my life trying to act like a tuffy.
To protect myself from rejection, Or discord. I stuffed emotions down and with sweets did reward.
So I live each day and learn something new, and thank the good Lord for getting me through!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

6 months

It is officially today 6 months since surgery and 11 months since this journey started. I started with my pre-surgery requirements in late September, and now this August am a size 16 . It is wild. I still have trouble visioning myself as thinner but do like the new me, and love to wear jeans.It is so fun to put on skinny jeans and feel good about myself. To know I still will continue losing and all the life changes I have made. I don't think of food when stressed. I think of ways of positively dealing with things. I love counting calories, and reading about new ways to make high protein meals.
I still only eat about half a cup a meal, though after this months Dr appointment I will be able to start increasing that to about a cup, right now I still get pretty full with the 1/2 cup,  which is fine by me. I am still learning and sometimes make mistakes and think something will be OK and then I find myself sick, but that is becoming less. And for the first time in like 23 years I weigh under 200 pounds that is so wild. My weight starts with a 1 wow. Blows me away. Will get pictures up after the Dr appointment. This is a big milestone  and deserves them.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

5 months

WOW it seems like forever, I basically have adjusted to this is my life and this is how I will eat for the rest of it.
I am at 205 and so excited to be in the 100's soon. It has been so very long, sometimes I can't believe this is happening. I have waited so long for it to and now it is.
It is not the easy way out that is for sure, I still eat very little, I am getting over feeling funny at functions with food, it is OK to socialize and eat a bit and not feel "looked at".
I am still not seeing myself as smaller though I am, I just need to work on my brain more. I think I have always been a nice person, some one who loves easily and wants the best for others, so I have not changed that . Just the size of my body. Got  a few more clothes from my sister so I feel that I have enough for the summer, and that is nice, and now I may break down and by undergarments. Yep those are important, and just not working anymore.
I pretty much know what to avoid, and can now say I rarely vomit, I have added new things and am excited about that. I can try pretty much anything, in small amounts and be OK. It is great, still no eggs or chicken, but I am not ruling out the future.
I am once again after getting better with my back, in a bind with it, it is so unstable and is out and causing so much pain, and so little activity, I totally hate that , I so want to be more active, it gets a bit depressing, but I know who holds my future and He has my best interest at heart.
The babe in the house is 2 months old now, and getting so big, he is a pretty great little guy, he keeps us all busy , busy , busy, but it is a good busy.Oh and when he smiles the whole world is brighter at least that is what this grandma thinks.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Quiet Day

It has been so long since I have wrote any thing. It seems life with a new born in the house is wonderful, yet so very tiring. So as I sit here and listen to my husband nap, the little family out visiting, I find I have a few moments to update life.
I had my 3 month post op visit, it went well, I am not suppose to let myself vomit for 4 hours, instead I need to go to the ER. The surgeon, will check the hernias again at my 6 month check.
I just am staying away from scrambled eggs, and baked chicken, anything to dry yet is just not a food that will settle. And since we know these 2 make me vomit for long periods of time, they need to be retried when I am a year out.
It has been fun though to go out with people again and eat a small amount at a restaurant, well visiting.I am finding myself more adventurous at trying new foods, and so far so good, I have tried shrimp, yummmmmmy, and veggie burgers plain with no bun, are rocking it this week. I kind know my safe foods and stay with them so much it is fun  to be adding more.
My husband and I spent a weekend, in my favorite place Ashland WI. I have so much family there, yes I know I let down my Vikings fan friends, but I love those people so.
I was actually in pictures and did not ask for retakes, I was able to find a bit of stuff to try for meals that worked!! So very encouraging and I got to share my story with lots of family one who has been watching to see how I do, as he seriously needs surgery also but is watching and thinking and I think that is a good place to be in. It is not something you can rush out and do, you have to live with it FOREVER. So glad I took the time to understand it, cause even with the time, it can be a strange new world.
I had labs done at my appointment, and blood sugars were good, and Cholesterol was still a bit high but due to family heritage even thin people in the family have the problem, I will be OK if I have to go back on something, Vitamin D was such a tad low, small tad, just taking an extra Vit D every other day and will re-check in 2 months. So I was glad for those results, still can't get 60g of protein in a day, I figure in 2 months when I can increase my portion size this will be easier, I am such a rule follower, and have made this commitment to stick with this, so I am following and measuring things still, but I think that is good. My weight is down to 215, and I wear a size 18 and they are a bit big on me, Ken got me a few things to make it through for a bit, and My step-daughter will borrow me some clothes to keep me looking fresh. I love the family support and am so grateful for all of them. It is an awesome journey to be on.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

3 monthes

Well here I am 3 months post surgery for gastric bypass, I now weigh 229, my seminar weight was oh my can't believe I am sharing this... 289. the morning of surgery I was 261. So I am down 32 pounds since surgery.
I now am able to walk on my treadmill daily. I have an exercise ball and use that almost daily too, depending on the business of the day. I do like the core strengthening.
There are some foods that go down so great and I do for the most part  feel good, unless I eat scrambled eggs or baked chicken. I just can not seem to handle those anymore, I do hope it is temporary, I can handle egg salad, I can handle a progressive soup with chicken in it , so I think it has to do with dry foods.
Good thing is I am not bored with cottage cheese or Greek yogurt, so I am so thankful for that as in a pinch, they go down great, I can eat them anywhere and feel full and fine and move on.
Also sugar free Popsicles are this girls friend, especially after being sick.
I don't really miss carbs, which is good, as I also can't tolerate them to well. I do OK with a few crackers, but I made chicken soup and dumplings and like I said, chicken in soup is OK, but the dumplings were more then I am used to. So have been feeding it to friends and my amazing , wonderful supportive husband. I am so grateful for the support of family and friends, it has helped so much.
It is wild to not be diabetic anymore, at first I would go to have a meal and think "Oh I am forgetting my metformin" now it is a wild thing to go to bed with out my levimer shot. I have had good blood sugars and gotten low with no terrible symptoms as my body tolerates it so much better.
The little guy in the bassinet is one reason, I am so glad I did this too. I get to live longer and be more active and play with him well he grows up.
My friend was here visiting from MO yesterday, we are the same age, but her kids are 11,7,and 3.. it is wild I started younger so my boys are 25 that is Chad in the pic with me, and baby Edward. Chris is 23 and Here Kim is with little ones and I am a grandma, I don't feel old so I won't go gracefully, ahahah
So all in all life is good. God is good all the time. And I keep plugging away!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

This little one

OK I am bad at the picture thing and will have to have hubby help me , But this little guy was born today at 1:52am, to my son Chad and his wife Tiffany, His name is Edward Allen Peterson,
I am over the moon in love with him. I will love you forever Eddie!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Some where in between

Do I hate that I can't eat certain things with out getting very sick since surgery, sure, but I don't hate that I had surgery. I am not totally feeling a love for it today either.
I can't eat chicken, unless it is in soup and pureed and my body doesn't know it is there, I tried it once, got sick, gave it time tried it again and got violently sick. Since then I have not tried it again, I mean 4 hours of vomiting, does something to a girl that makes her more cautious.
But since that violent vomiting my "pouch" new stomach, has not really felt good at all. the first bit of anything causes nausea, I am eating slow enough , It just seems those first few bites are not great.
This morning I had to miss church, as I just could not shake the feeling I was gonna get sick, Oh I did, I was so bloated, it was amazing, I looked huge on the upper half of my abdomen.
So I was glad that what ever was blocking me up passed and now it is just the nausea, but sometimes I still feel like with all the work I am doing and the little food I am eating I really deserve to be losing faster. But I also hear slow and steady wins the race. It is some here in between I need to get. Not hating, or loving, but a middle ground where this is good and I can do this.
I can do this, I will do this , I would just like it to feel better.
I would like to not miss things and people "well I am taking time to heal and adjust"
I feel normal, Ha normal for me, that is . Don't want to imply I am anything but me. Why can't I just get my body to work with me a bit.

I have been reading out of my Old NAS Bible, it is cool to use different translations at times, and cool to look back on things I underlined or wrote something in the margins.

I am finding comfort in my vomiting in Mark 7:14-23
I will paraphrase here and Jesus is talking about the things we eat are not things that defile us, as they  are eliminated. But it is from our hearts that we defiled by what is in it,, we so need to guard out hearts and fill it with the Word of God and be walking in His ways. Loving and showing His love to others.

"Heavenly Father I thank you for this journey you have me on, and  you and you alone are in total control, Lord I thank you that you will see me through and that nothing I can do will change things except rely on You, feed on your word, and live as you have directed. I give you my sour attitude and ask Father that you help me to not focus on me and not feeling well, but to be thankful in all things and that you will use all to your Glory.
Thank you for this day, for the time you have given me with my hubby, for the work you  have been giving him and for providing all we need.
I love you Lord. Use me as you will , thank you and praise you in the precious holy name of Jesus, AMEN!"

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Feeling Stronger

The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him. Exodus 15:2

Feeling stronger and less guilty about needing to take care of myself, I have had 2 major surgeries in the last 6 months . I had both to end medical problems and lead a more productive life, in hoping  to be able to do more for the Lord. I know I am in love with the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and rejection has been a big issue for me all my life, and I have dealt with it allot, but talking to our therapist this morning I realised that ,Jesus is everything to me, so to be rejected in the area of someone saying I did not hear from him, and was unforgivable, was such a blow and with not feeling well, and continued rejection in a small setting , where I have tried to show kindness, I still smile at these folks and greet them with a good morning or hello, It is hard to have someone completely ignore you like you are something less then anyone else. And I still to this very day am not sure what I have really done, I just want unity and I do believe that is what Jesus wants to .. Plus I want others to know Him, He is returning and asked us to go and tell others, to love the Lord and to love your neighbor. He told us to love, and I so do love loving on people and helping them and serving. It is my makeup and I do not need to be sorry for that. I need to continue growing in Christ, cause I do believe we are never done, and I need to be the healthiest me I can to go through allot of the things in our lives right now. And I do so believe, Jesus is directing us and holding us through all this and He is so strong enough, Oh what a comfort to know I am not alone, He is holding me and loving me and believes in me and wants me and will continue to use me, as I allow Him to. I am not a religious person, I am in a relationship for a life time, with an awesome faithful Father!
We need to move, we have children going through trials, and they need us and JESUS, and we have a new grandson to be making his appearance soon who will need us. If I look at all this it is lots, but I know we will make it and we will grow together even closer cause we do love each other and are devoted to the heavenly Father.
I have forgiven, and I know I need not care what others think, and I will keep working on that , but God also uses things to move us on, and maybe this was just His way to get our direct attention to real prayer of where we should be.
For now, I need to finish healing this back, and keep healing and learning to live with my new stomach, and continue in relationship with the one and only living God.
Yes things are His, He will make all things right in his time. For He is God and is good all the time.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Feeling Broken...

For all my life I have battled depression on some scale. At times it is not a big deal and I manage fine, other times, I can do things I need to just have this underlying sadness. And yes I have had times I have not been able to get out of bed for the life of me. Or even felt worthy of living.
I know they prepare you before gastric bypass that depression can settle in, and so far till last Sunday I had done so well, I don't regret my decision to have surgery, I am not starving, I feel good about it. But Sunday I am not 100% sure of how it happened but I went down, and have not been able to really get back up, I am reading my Bible daily, listening to worship music, doing more around the house, and exercising daily , which does help some. I just want to leave a situation, that I feel is not gonna change and I feel tired of trying, I miss things that I was doing, I miss relationships from the serving I was doing, and I am feeling so empty not being used. I don't see it changing, I know God is able , I just don't know what or when He will change things.
And I want to not have the stress of it all to think of, I feel selfish I want life to be about what I need right now to take care of myself.
But I have always put myself last and not taken the best care of me. Never felt worth it. But I am finding I am worth taking care of, and if I don't take of me, no one else will.
So I am trying to work through this and I pray I can, I know somehow I will,I have to believe this.
I have to believe that somehow the right things will come to Ken and I about what we should do.
Quitting is not always a bad thing, As I believe we have to much to give and do to waste time. So many people need to hear of the Lord. I don't want to be stifled. We are mandated to go out and tell others, it seems so simple, add in commitment to people and things get a bit messy.
So I write my depression plan and how I will continue to work on this and who I will call if it gets worse, and all that. And once again wait for this time to be over. But right now I am not alright.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

So greatful...

I love music, and so many songs have spoken to me and become real prayers of my heart .
This is one of them, I so want to Love Jesus and have others know HIS love. I don't want anything I say or do hinder that, and I fall so short of that.
Knowing Jesus doesn't make one perfect, Forgiven, not perfect, we need to daily leave ourselves behind, and that can be ever so hard.
But I know I want a relationship with the risen Lord, and I run after Him, with all that I can, I pray I don't hinder or make life sound rosy just cause I know Jesus, I just have Him to walk through things with , cause there are still hard things and times. I just have become internal on things Keeping more to myself then sharing. That can be good and bad. Sometimes it makes you feel alone.
But I am never alone, He walks with me and carries me through all of it.
I know Christian's to some seem judgemental and I feel so badly about that, Cause judging is the Lord's job, not mine, mine is to love.  So I am praying this today. May you be blessed and know you are loved beyond measure.
"Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break MY hearts for what breaks yours"

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


Finally my back is strong enough that even though it has not been a long duration I have been able to exercise the past 2 days. It feels so great, not to much flare up in back pain, plus the PT girl gave me some core strengthening exercises too and those I can really feel too.
Plus it helps mentally, I have been a bit down and the endorphins really helped lift that today.
Found out my A1C was 5.9 which means I will start getting rid of the last few units of Levimer insulin over the next few days. So exciting, as it has taken me awhile to get over not taking metformin with my meals. It feels great to have beat something as big as diabetes, I don't know how it works but this surgery stops type 2 diabetes. And not having that and the side effects of it will give me a much longer life, Plus I am the only "fat girl" I know who does not have blood pressure problems. All my siblings do and both parents so I do consider my self so blessed in this.
Still having foods that don't always agree with me, but once the vomiting stops like I told my honey, I really do have to say I feel great. It is all about slowing down, last evening I took a Tylenol and didn't get it broke right and boy did it take forever to throw it back up. But then I was fine.
Actually went to a Sunday School meeting and took my own food and did OK. I have not shared this with everyone at church, just a few good friends who have been so very supportive.
So to eat different for me is a big deal, I don't like to have attention on me , but I can not hide forever.
So the house has been cleaner and with the decrease in back pain , I am believing I can keep it that way. still some organizing I want to do before the new little grandson gets here, yet if I don't get it all done I won't beat myself up. That is a new goal for me to be a bit easier on myself. And enjoy each day to the fullest, instead of wishing a day away that could hold many blessings.
I love me anything Beth Moore, and I brought her book "Praying Gods Word', what an awesome book loaded with scripture. I have been using it daily with devotions.
I am so thankful for great worship music that speaks to me, this song has been one I have been listening to lots lately. Lord thank you for loving me!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Another month

Well I am two months out from surgery and for the most part I feel good, getting stronger in PT. and more active, not tolerating to many foods well. I should be trying 1/2 c portions 3 meals a day of regular food and I tend to need more soft foods, and for some reason, lots of things take time to get used to again, I can not handle turkey or chicken, but I couldn't handle eggs for a bit and can again now.
So I am hoping in time for this to change, I am just not a big red meat eater. Have been able to keep very small amounts of spaghetti down, so that is good. I have a life time so I am trying not to rush it or push myself to hard, don't want to end up to discouraged.

As far as other things in life they seem a bit big to try and talk about right now. I think I need to figure them out and Ken and I need to  come to an agreement as to choices we have to make.

Have a Dr appointment tomorrow and will post weights then as I have been hearing in support groups it is not great to weigh your self at home, as weight can go up and down for so many reason. So here is looking at tomorrow.

Friday, March 23, 2012

The one month a week late appointment

So it was my one month visit at the surgery center, and I have lost 14.7 pounds, since surgery. All my wounds are healed and I still have a week to wait to lift more then 10# but that is OK.
I meet with the dietitian who said to start soft foods today and in 2 weeks start eating regular food , yet no more then 1/2 cup. So excited. Lunch was some imitation crab meat and it was so great to bite and chew. 
As always it is great to spend time with my man all day like this. This was the first time we have been there , been seen and out in less then 45 minutes, it was great. I liked seeing the surgeon again. He is so very personable, and always so willing to answer questions and teach. He just shakes his head as you tell him all the meds you have been able to give up, for me that is 2 different things for diabetes, with the 3rd being at very minimal doses and almost ready to be discontinued, and 2 pills for my acid reflux, my cholesterol med  and my neurontin ( which I take for my fibro so I may one day need to restart), and I am off  Inderal which I took for tremors and headaches as my blood pressure is so nice and low, high blood pressure has never been an issue for me.  So all in all it has been a great 5 weeks, and a journey I have made for life.So there is no running, just walking each day and believing that I am doing my best to take care of myself and keep myself healthy and as always Willing to do what ever the Lord calls me to.
I was so blessed to chat with my roommate from the hospital last night, she is doing well and asked for prayers for some other issues she is having, so I was so encouraged she would ask me to pray for her. I have learned to try as much as possible when people ask for prayer to pray with them right on the spot. I just love loving on people. And find it a honor to be asked to pray for someone.

Gonna end with a Psalm again today from Psalm143, verse10a, 'Teach me to do thy will, For thou art my God'

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A day

So I did it, I got my room super clean, scary for  me actually. It looks so good. Now to not be a pack rat and put clothes away right after folding them, that is the new goal for this room. I can't even get started on any other room of this house it gets me to down. It has been way to long.
Well there is a working treadmill in my living room, Thank you Lord, easy fix, a pen was in it and that is what made the noise, but since it was up in a corner of our very messy room, my honey could not get it down to look at it. So glad that He and Chad could get it downstairs and it was so easy to fix!!!!
A wise man once told me keep the room you are in the most clean and tidy and it will lift your spirits, since it seems I spend most time here in the bedroom, I will try that out. After cleaning I can hardly move, I just can not get over having a back like this.

But I thought it would be fun to write what I eat in a day. I am a creature of habit so I have not put to much variety in the puree part of my diet, tomorrow on the other hand, I start soft foods, and have already planed meals for at least a week to eat with my family, It will be great.

So for breakfast depending on how fast I need to leave the house I have
A cup of carnation instant breakfast, it takes about 45 minutes to drink, but then I can take my morning meds before I go and get ready well sipping away.
Other days it is about 1/4-1/3 cup Greek yogurt, I love the stuff, sometimes I will add a oz or 2 of banana or applesauce, I just can not get breakfast down, I tried eggs, and they just were to hard for me, I will revisit them again in the future I am sure

Lunch, is usually a pureed 1/2 cup of soup.

After waiting the 30 minutes after each meal I start sipping water I sip all day and get in 48 oz , so that is good.

Mid afternoon, I have have a protein shake, meaning 1/2 c

Supper has been really basic. !/4 c cottage cheese and 1/4 c re fried beans, it takes 1/2 hour to eat it and sometimes I can't get it all down, but at least between the shakes and other protein foods I am getting almost 50 grams of protein in a day goal is 60 so I am encouraged about that.
Then 30 minutes later I go back to sipping that water

And right before bed I drink the other half of my mid day protein shake, I have found this hold my blood sugars over really well through the night and I wake up with less nausea.

Morning blood sugars have been under 100 for a week. so I am waiting for my Dr to get back from vacation to let me know what to do . It is wild to think of not being diabetic anymore.I have loved the decrease in my meds. Been a totally great thing for my life.

So now that I have sat and now have my back frozen in this position I am off to do some PT exercises.

Psalm 126:3 The Lord has done great things for us , we are glad, NASB

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Learning to walk

My mom says I walked young, like at 9 months. And I find myself wanting to RUN through life, figuring if I run and hurry and get things done, get things done and then I can rest.... Or I avoid it.
I started PT today and that lets run feeling kicked in and wanting to have my back better right NOW.  I am glad that I am not wanting to avoid things, but I have found I can't rush through this. I need to get better and stronger, and I want it to be for life, not just for a moment, and I don't want to rest, I want to live it each day and not avoid.  So I continue to take one day of dieting and exercise at a time, Since surgery I can't avoid it , which I love. A journey to walk through and learn each day something new.
My treadmill is up and working .... so excited to get going on that . Also my one month recheck appointment is Friday, which will mean I will see how much I have lost on their scale, and a move to soft foods, I am so ready to have something to chew. So I will update with weight loss and what I learn Friday, after I see them.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

30 Days later

Wow I can not believe it has been a month already. In many ways this feels normal, a new normal. A good normal. I have been able to get in 48oz of fluid plus a day which is a big thing, and I am tolerating the 3 small meals a day better and better every day.
My blood sugars have been under 100 the last few mornings so it is almost time to update the Dr on that. It is amazing. I am eating to live , not living to eat. I am learning my emotional triggers and with the help of not feeling hunger learning to deal with them and stress just a whole lot different.
I can truly say this has been hard at times, and yet the best thing I have done for myself in a long long time.
I have been avoiding the scale. I just can not bring myself to look. I kinda want to then, something comes up and I forget. Which is fine, with weigh in being next week I kinda wanna be surprised, I was like that pregnant to I wanted to wait till my baby got here to know what it was. I know my clothes are getting bigger, and my chest is getting smaller. I was way to big to begin with so I really don't care about that at all.
The weather here has been so wonderful. I was able to get out yesterday and walk a bit, I had the Dr give me something to get me through till PT as moving was just getting to painful, and just that little bit of relief has made a huge difference.
Been able to do more around the house, I am cleaning my own kitchen, I make my own meals, and I have even started making my honey's meals again, the ones he loves . He is such a potato man, give him potato's in white sauce and veggies and he is happy for days. How he stays thin I will never understand.... But it is better for his body, he isn't a big snacker and doesn't eat under emotional stress.I think that is a big thing to my being heavy. So glad I have started working through these issues.

I love music it is such a comfort to my heart, soul and spirit. This one has been blessing my socks off lately. God is calling us by NAME,I am His and He loves little old me,WOW. I am so amazed by His love.. ENJOY

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Almost a month

It has been almost a month since surgery. I am doing well with the diet, have had a few things that didn't agree with me, but for the most part am handling things well. I have discovered I can do this and I have more confidence in myself then ever.
I so love the Lord, I love this song, cause most of all in life I want more and more of the Lord, I want to live as He directs, and help people. I want to abide in HIM.

I have  been getting out and doing some more with my honey. It some days feels like spring here and others still winter. So energy wise I am well. and that is a plus. Can't wait to restart PT the old back is crooked and needs some help. We spent the afternoon with family and I watched  them bowl and we had a party for my great nephew who turned 2. He is such a little cutie. Next time I hope to be healed enough to bowl. it was a fun afternoon. And my first time with cake around and I had my water bottle and didn't feel I was missing out at all which is great.It was just an awesome family time and I so enjoyed it.
No appointments this week, but the one after is full with PT and to see the surgeon again for follow up. I am excited to see where I am at . I have really been trying not to get on the scale, I know the clothes feel bigger, and I even fit into a smaller sweater last week. SO excited to see what their scale will show.And it will mean on to a soft diet, that I can get ready for , puree can be kinda boring.
So tomorrow is another fun day gonna do a young girl from churches hair, and we are going out to the movies.
Life goes on, good, different and always an adventure.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Not a cure but a tool.

This surgery in no way "cures' me of being over weight, severely overweight at that. It is a tool to help me though and one I am thankful I had the choice to have.
I so admire those who have lost 100 pounds and more with out having to do something like this. But for me it was and is the right thing.
I am still learning to eat slow enough, the small amounts are not a problem, but there are mental hunger issues, like seeing a good protein commercial, my head likes subway. my stomach right now way could not do it. But it is an area I am working on, learning to take every thought captive.
The spiritual journey of all this with the physical has been such an awesome time for me.
Has it been hard??? Heck ya, I had pain, I had an infection, and allergic reaction that made me want to itch my skin off, but what did I learn, I learned that my God is so big, He was there through it all holding me and comforting me, and preparing me and getting me through, He has helped me take my thoughts and keep them on Him, and on the goal. Not on me, or things going on around me, I have had to say no to stresses that usually I would of caved to, for fear of not making someone happy. But I am learning to be the best me I must take care of me. There is so much I want to do for the Lord, and I need to be ready and healthy and willing.
So I am setting a timer when I eat to make sure I am taking enough time to eat, If I go to fast I get some heartburn, and once even vomited, not fun, especially since it was only several bites, but it is important to learn to slow down.... I am a lets get it done and do it right girl, and this I can do right, but boy oh boy, do I need to take my time to get it done.
I am getting in 48oz of liquid a day in between meals , plus the protein shake so right now it feels as though all I am doing is eating or drinking. There is increased energy though, as I am not as tired during the day and am sleeping so much better at night . At each hurdle I get over I see the good.
I know this is not for everyone and I so respect that, and in no way would I ever push or encourage some one to do it with out really really looking into it and taking their time to think it through and get to talk to others and their Dr's first.
I have been blessed to have this working for me. And feel it was how my life is suppose to be right now , right here where I am at.
I am so blessed with so much support and encouragement, man oh man, the friends and family have been amazing to say the least.
This morning I am thanking the Lord for this journey in life and so thankful He walks with me.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Getting the hang of this....

I think I am finally getting the routine and hang of eating the way I am suppose to and making sure I get in the protein, plus variety to keep me more then full. I am almost up to a 1/2 cup of food at meal times, I drink a protein shake between meals and also lots of water.
Today is the first day I have felt really really good. the infection, allergic stuff is winding down, and my tummy looks 100% better.
My blood sugar readings have been awesome... Now if I could sleep through the night.
Last night I made myself lay here and I did fall back to sleep so I am glad for that. As they want you to follow a routine of eating.
Which was hard to do when I am awake from 2-5am, and wanna go back to bed and don't care about breakfast or food in the least.
There is really something to hunger.. so much of it was in my head. As I don't feel physical hunger. I love it,and I love learning to control my thoughts.
I have noticed I can smell better, now that is the weirdest thing, I have had bad sinus's forever and really not had a great since of smell,boy has that changed.
SO , I am just so grateful for the chance to do this and change my life and live a more healthy  and productive one.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

My life since the 14th

So I woke up the morning of the 14th, showered again with the special soap, did my hair, didn't use enough hairspray, but hey I knew they would have Oxygen in the surgery room and I didn't want to blow up. :)
Got to the hospital at 9am, and was taken to the prep room, everyone was nice and it was actually very calming, met with the surgeon, and everyone who would be in the OR that day, lots of people, WOW.
Best part when they finally let Ken come back we got a few minutes to talk and then he had to give me my hug and kiss as they were taking me away.
Upon entering the OR I still was not super nervous. It was the Peace I had asked the Lord to  give me, I truly don't remember anyone telling me I was gonna fall asleep now, BUT I woke up after it was over, it had gone well, and well lets say the pain was crazy, and it made me so fearful. Soon as I brought to Ken and able to have him call my parents, his parents and Pastor and His wife, to pray, I started to feel so much better, the fear left, I was able to get control with the pain meds, and with in hours was walking, I walked twice on the 2nd shift and once in the middle of the night.
My roomate was 2 years in to her gastric by-pass, so that was cool she was in for an injury, from lifting at work. But I don't want to say to much to invade her life. Though it was great to have a seasoned vet able to give me tips on things.
I think I had great nurses they answered all my questions and were so kind and cheerful.
By the next day I had to go down for a Barium swallow study, which I passed no leaks so I was able to have some clear liquids , which would be my diet for the next 8 days.
I also got checked for a blood clots, as after my last walk I started having more swelling in my ankle and calf. I retained so much fluid and had such poor out put, But once the pulled the Foley cath, my body kicked in and did it's thing.Once the Foley was out I was able to manage walks by myself so I spent allot of time walking, learning, they have OT come see you , and the dietitian, the DR for my blood sugars, and since I had not gotten allot of sleep basic none, I took a great nap. Ken slept in the chair, I swear there is something to knowing he is sleeping and his snore puts me out.
So by the 16th they were planning on having me go home, we spent the day just getting things ready and waiting for the DR. I got to take a shower and hang and watch movies and take walks.
the Dr was not out of surgery till, after 5pm so we were late getting home and just basically went right to bed. It was so great to be home! I got up to go to the rest room the first night and one of the steri strips came off, OK seeing your stomach that open makes you yell loud for help, Ken got me bandaged back up but I noticed blisters under the steri strips, hmmm not to good, I called in the morning and they said I need to try and leave them on as long as possible so Ok, the next night, what happens, I was dreaming and rolled out of bed landing on  my tummy on the floor. Called the Dr again, and they said if the wounds were closed I was fine, and so I continued my liquid diet and Monday the 19th the nurse let me take off the steri strips as it was so itchy I just could not handle it and I had hives and bruising all over. Had my pre-op on the 22nd, and they figured I have a wound infection, so I am on antibiotics for that. I was able to start pureed diet yesterday but have laid low today as the stomach welts are still growing and are bruising still. But I still don't regret my decision. I feel OK , I have not been hungry,and seem to be tolerating things well.
If this itching would just go away I think things would be great. So now it is just giving things time to heal, walking as much as I can , and trying to get in enough liquids. Thinking I should be plenty busy.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Home again

So I went in on Tuesday the 14th and was home the evening of the 16th. So much to write but need to get my words and thoughts in order.
I was just so blessed to have so many praying. I know it helped, the Dr's even saw such a difference.
What a blessing to know the Ultimate Physician personally.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Final Count Down.

24 hours from now I will be in my room recovering. WOW I can't believe it has been six months, I can't believe all I have learned, all I have not eaten LOL . Even on day two of clear liquids I am doing OK as I know the out come. It is all going to lead to better health, less meds, less back pain as having all this weight has made it so hard to get totally healed and straight. I will start PT again as soon as they allow so I can get more core strength and start an exercise program.
Am I a bit nervous yes, only cause I don't know the pain that will be there. I like to be strong, but I am believing it can not be worse then the back surgery. That I don't want to do again.
I am so encouraged by all the notes of encouragement I have gotten today. Even Dietitian J sent one, and everyone is so happy and praying for me. So many feel I can do this, I hate when I am asked why I waited so long.It had to be my time. I truly believe that, as if it wasn't I would not have been able to lose and keep doing all I needed to do.
It has been a long life of being over weight, since I was like 3 I was chubby in high school and thinned out some in my late teens early 20's then I started getting pregnant and kept weight on after each pregnancy even the ones that ended in loss of my child..
Then start adding meds for depression and up went the weight.How I allowed myself to get this big I will never understand.
But I must stop beating myself up and forgive myself as I have asked God to forgive me.
And start tomorrow as a new beginning and trust it is going to be a great journey. I am so thankful Ken is coming along for this. He has been so super supportive, and though he has yet to pack,  :0) ( he is staying with his daughter who lives near the hospital) I know he loves and believes this is right and will be there for me always. We are bringing the computer, so if  I am up to it I will updated.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

2 days till take off!

Spent the day with errands, got all the lists done, visited my parents, and then Chris and Rosella came and had dinner with us and did some wedding planning. It has  been a great day. Tiff was home from the hospital and resting well. IT is nice to have seen everyone. Tomorrow starts the clear liquids only diet.
I got to chat with my aunt in MI today, and she has been thinking of having the surgery also , so I got to answer allot of questions for her, and it was just fun to talk and laugh with her. I am blessed to have her praying for me and supporting me so.
I am so thankful for all the friend and family support. God is so good!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Pre-op day

So today I had my pre-op, There are no tasks left to do on my task list, it is wild, I have to start a clear liquid diet Sunday through Monday. Tomorrow I will go see my parents again for a bit , as it will be awhile before I can go there.
Still praying for my daughter-in-law who is in the hospital, with some flu complications, being pregnant made her more vulnerable.Went to visit her today and she is feeling some better and the baby is well.
My other son is coming for a visit.So I am doing last minute visiting for awhile all weekend.
It will be fun and full.
Total weight loss was at 28 pounds today. So encouraged, So thankful that this journey is life long and I have so very much support.
So forward we go!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

4 days left

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. ~Psalm 5:3

Today I am waiting, My daughter-in law, who lives with us and is pregnant got my flu, only it dehydrated her badly, as she is needing to hydrated for two so she is in the hospital and I have been praying lots for her. While writing this I got a call from my son who said her kidneys are doing better and she may get to be home tomorrow. Oh how I am praying God's healing touch on her. 

Spoke with the surgery nurse this morning and got that all settled, I am to be at the hospital at 9am. So glad as we live a bit away and I didn't want it to be 5 am. I will take an 11;00am surgery any day.
She was so kind and answered all my questions plus more. So I am doing this. I can't explain the amazing peace I have. Thank you Lord.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

6 to go

Not much happening today but I wanna keep up with my thoughts. I wrote the living will like they asked. Not that I expect problems, nor do they I am just at that age!!! I really gotta so get done and over the age issues, I have reviewed my wishes with Ken and the Kids and updated, the Best Pastor Ever and His wife of my wishes.
Tomorrow is  PT day and I think I am doing well. at least I feel well. I hope she sees it the same way. She also wanted me to note PT does not stand for Physical torture, and at no time has she pushed me that far. Though she might, I love you PT girl S. Thanks for being part of this journey I call life!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Only 7 more days

WOW, it is moving fast, but I feel like I have been preparing for it so much that it is not freaking me out or anything, went over some paper work with my Dr's nurse today in regards to my pre-op physical on Friday.
Had the worse stomach bug yesterday, I felt it coming Saturday afternoon I just felt off, and sure enough Sunday morning was it's take off.
I am mostly bummed as I missed church. Hubby was good and got me clear liquids all  day and today I got up did PT exercises and some dusting , still not hungry, but everything I do drink is staying down.

I am so set on trying to feel better and "normal" ASAP, after surgery. Since this will be me and who I am for the rest of my life, I don't want to baby myself to much . I know I need to rest to heal, but I wanna be up and moving also.

We have so many lists to do. Maybe I am a bit freaked as Kenny is trying to get lots done and I can't go get things done with out a car, but I know we will, he has looked at all my lists and feels he can get it all done, well see. He is a bit better at organizing then I so I will trust him here.

At church we started Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible study, been working on that it is awesome, God is so good!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

9 or 10 but who's counting

Well surgery is the 14th so that is 10 days, but I have to be ready before then so I am thinking it is day 9 right?!?!?!?!!?
Have lists all made and plans to go spend some time with my parents before surgery.
Will do some shopping tomorrow and get things ordered the pharmacy  may not have.
So stepping forward. I have no desire to really pig out, I wanna keep eating right and less so when I am not
eating it is natural to me. My sister thinks I should party to the end and I think that isn't what I am to do so I will stay working on calorie counting so, when I am not able to eat I don't miss it as much. I think if I went on a chocolate binge and then had to re stop that would be bad, it is like an addiction, you just have to stay away.
So since I know my weakness I will listen to my body and to what the Lord has laid on my heart. WOW in a week.... Can't believe it is finally here.

Friday, February 3, 2012

11 days but who's counting

It seems there is lots to get ready, yet nothing to do but wait too. I have lists of all I will need to get before going in, and we will get that done, Ken has been busy trying to finish last minute work, so he can be with me, I was surprised and blessed by how much time he told people he was taking off. He is PT patrol and loves it I do believe, he calls to make sure I am getting my stretches in and when he is home helps with the ones PT showed him how to do.
I spent hours researching protein powders, how fun is that. I think we have settled on one we like and feel comfortable with. Protein is so important and yet to get in enough if I can add it to things that will be great.  Because it is impossible at first to get in as much as they want and hey I like my hair, and do want to keep it.
My sister went down and meet my Dr and" love love loved him" so I am glad we will be having our surgeries at the same place and same Dr so we can really support each other, I will have mine first but it looks like she is only a couple weeks behind me so we can help each other through those first couple weeks, that is so awesome how it turned out.
I am so blessed to have so much family support. I know that will help in the forever part of this.
Now I am just avoiding anyone with colds.. Yep MN in the winter that should be easy,. :)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

13 more days

I meet with my wonderful dietitian, J today, she is and has been my go to girl, my cheerleader, and my no girl when needed, we did it . not only did I lose the required 20 I lost 24, I could of cried, it seemed like an impossible task last September, a person who can't lose weight , wanting surgery for a tool to help them is now needing to lose, I must admit I just had so many doubts in myself, but I knew this was my time to do this, I knew I had my families support and I felt total peace from the Lord to go ahead and do it.
Yesterday and today the Lord has laid this verse so upon my heart "Trust in the Lord with all your heart;do not depend on your own understanding.Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."
Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
I know God has given me this path, I know in the past I resisted as I wanted it to be me working hard, and didn't want to take an easy road, well this won't be an easy road, and each day I will continue to learn more about myself, and self control and patience. It will actually be very hard some days. but I walk not alone, and I pray it makes me a kinder, gentler, more loving person, I pray the Lord can some how use all the years of feeling less then others cause of  my weight to fly me to new heights in His love for me and who I am in Him and the importance of that above and beyond anything here.
That people not look at me and see only that I have lost weight but that I love Jesus more and more every day, and if they don't know Him, Oh how I am praying they will ask so I can share about my Precious Lord, for he loved me and formed me in m y mothers womb, and He knew the day would come where I would be right where I am.
Oh thank you Dietitan J I love you!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Weighty update

Well after 6 hours of sitting and lots of waiting we were done with the pre-op teaching, which was suppose to be 2 hours and was 45 minutes so then had to sit and wait for a nurse visit. 30 minutes past the scheduled time dear hubby suggested I ask  if it would be much longer and they instantly did my visit.I am under my needed weight loss so I was encouraged by that, my vitals were fine.
Now I just have to organize, will see if any of my mom's mad organizational skills are in me. we have to have a list for my pre-op physical, a list for my last visit with the dietitian tomorrow. A list of stuff I must bring to the hospital and have it all packed and ready to go.
So the count down begins only 14 days till the big day. I am ready.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

More on the weight front

Saw my PT girl today , she said I could call her that, she has been awesome helping me strengthen my back and getting it straight again, and I am 70% better, I have so much less to no pain now it is Awesome!

Because the Pt has gone so well, gastric by- pass surgery will be Feb 14th now. I went with this option as I am diabetic and it in all research gives diabetes, type 2 any ways the boot, and I want that, I want to live from now on as healthy as possible I feel so badly I have let myself become so heavy and unhealthy, I am the temple of God, He deserves my best.

So the next couple of weeks will be busy preparing and I am excited, nervous and happy. I know It is time.
God had really given me peace and helped me get through all this, it has been so fast and so much learning and my husband has been by my side through it all.I can't thank him enough.
Onward in the journey we go........

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Weight update

I have lost all my pre-surgery weight requirement. Such a big thing and I know for some 20 pounds is not hard to lose. But for me it has been a journey, I have had to learn much about who I am , why I am eating, how much, even to  chew more, and make sure I get all 64 oz of water in.
I think the back surgery in the middle of it all was the hardest, I am not able to exercise really yet and when I had all that swelling and gained back all I lost, I did not give up, for me that usually would of gotten me depressed enough to throw in the towel.
So I have been cleared to set my surgery date, we are looking at the first of March as that fits hubbies schedule the best, I am excited and nervous, a healthy nervous, and to have this tool will be wonderful. I have struggled for 47 years now so it will be nice to have the added help.
I have been doing PT for my back, it got some infection in there so that is cleared and the inflammation and the fact my body guarded so much I am now crooked .. SO I just have needed a bit of help to try and get things straightened out.
I just can not believe I finally have  done this. it seems like such a small step, but to me it does feel huge.
SO the next month will be busy with more appointments to get ready and to continue to loss . It is here. it was a fast 6 months..

Sunday, January 1, 2012

January 1 2012

WOW age really does make time go faster, I can't believe a whole year is over.
I am one who believes in loving so  I hope I did that to the best of my abilities, you can't take it back if you didn't .
It was a full year, through many many hard times, and none of them made us crash and burn though at times it felt like it.
Kids moving,growing and grand kids that grow like weeds keep us so busy.
We were blessed to have Dan and Kristy home with the boys for Christmas, they spent a couple nights here , it was the best. They have grown so, I have proof.But am having trouble getting it on here. when I find it I want to post it to see them in little suits is so cute.
This past year was hard, and I do believe God will give us some resolution to some it of it this yeas, As I listen to the wind, I know we will lose loved ones, we have several who are ill. And we will miss them and our hearts will ache, but they will be in a place of no more suffering,babies will be born, I have 2 nieces due around the same time as Chad and Tiff, who found out right before Christmas they were having a boy.
There will always be winds of change happening in our lives. It is staying open enough to go with it, to be willing to learn, to help even if it is just one person have a better day, month year, or life.
I have never been one to know certain plans for when I am old. I just know I will be old.I still intend to do that as slowly as possible.
All I know for certain is I am blessed to be on this journey with my hubby, we spent the day talking, laughing and cuddling. What better way to start the new year, I can't think of any.