Friday, June 24, 2011

He is officially engaged

Christopher called and he and Rosella are officially engaged, WOW, I wish he understood how wild this is for me, I will always see my boy in the men they have become, and of course I found a song that says it all. Raising my two boys was a challenge I would do over and over again, and Oh boys know I am so proud of you both, and Rosella, what a joy to know you will be daughter-in-law, I love you so much already.

A Journey

Wish I could say it was through mountains, or a wild African trip, but it is a book, It is By Mike Bickle " The pleasures of Loving God" and some of it I have loved and others not related to as well, I love the part of falling more in Love with the Lord, and seeing him as a bride waits for her bridegroom to anticipate my time with him with such love, reverence and Awe, and the part on intercession, I LOVE PRAYING, I  love praying for other's, I just love to talk to the Lord. Mom would say I just love to talk, and boy am I grateful I have a heavenly Father who is always willing to listen. 24/7

Today is one of those days where I feel I can't do much but pray , everything hurts, ever joint feels like it is gonna give out, even the TMJ is so bad, hmmm no talking.

Ken is putting in a long day at work as we have had so much rain that he has not been able to, he is building a pergola.. which after pretending I knew what it was for a couple days finally caved and asked, it is an out side kitchen... fridge, sinks cupboards everything. It will be beautiful I am sure, God has given him such talent.

And we have the whole house to our selves, the kids are up to Duluth for a family wedding on their side, and  so I hope we can have time together to enjoy it, already planned Ken's dinner so that is ready.

On the grandson front, they call me well Mommy is making dinner and Mr Ben, the almost 2 year old already went down the deck steps, so Elliot went after him, and listening to him scold his little brother was so dang cute, ' He calls him to come several times and then counts to three, the whole time Ben is saying , NO , so Elliot says, "fine I will go up with out you" I am so laughing, and as Elliot is walking up the stairs, he says" he is following me now grandma he knows when to listen"
Oh how we miss these boys, Found Ken looking at their house on google maps and being teary, and missing them, We knew when they left Ben would grow so fast, but his little hair cut has made him totally look like a big boy, oh how we love them.

Well I think I will go find some Tylenol and pray and try and get this pain to go away a bit, last night I had such a burden for the lost and lonely. Oh their are so many who need to know the Lord , I don't want to feel like a whiner cause I have Fibro , cause I have the greatest thing ever a relationship with the Lord. I love music so will end with this one.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Random thoughts from a tired mind

I love this song and found it again so fitting this afternoon as I walked into the court house and it was raining," Lord what good was coming from all this, I want to believe that it will all work out and that, you will have your way fixing it and you will be glorified, but it hurts so much sometimes"
As always you provide the strength to get me through, and I know that your will is what I want in all this and for those I love.
I am so thankful that the trial for Chad's attacker is over, and that justice will be served there and he feels some closure, and he knows you and knows that he has to forgive, I am so glad at least I know our kids know you Lord. Though they have to walk their own lives and there lives will have pain and disappointments, so not what I wanted, I always want to give them a life that is easy and not painful....But what if they need all this to know you more, and follow you... Oh that is my prayer that my children are so in love with you Lord, as I am .
Father's day is coming and it is painful this year as I have befriended the boys Peterson side of the family on face book, and their oldest sister has posted a picture of her dad for Father's day, and seeing him, with his race car, the thing he choose over us is so very hard, HE .WANTED. A. CAR. more then us!?!?!? How do you register that? I can't and I look at the boys and think, how do they, with what they are going through in life  right now shows they so didn't handle it or his death so well, So I cry and pray that some how they will heal, I know they can choose to, and they say they want to, but it comes to patience for this momma as I want them to do what I think is best, and they are young men now, not my beautiful babies, still beautiful I think, but not babies, they are husband and husband to be, they are hard workers, they know they have to work to make it in life, they don't look for hand outs, They are funny  and loving and respectful, they know that life isn't always easy. So part of me feels like I did OK raising them, yet I always doubt myself, and I hate that I see a picture and I ask it "WHY" I will never get answers, But I love where God has brought me to , and I love my Kenny, I just need To know that the Lord has healed so much in me and will continue to as long as I let him, He will be with me, and teach me and walk it all with me. Even though I will have tears, and sleepless nights that tire this old brain, He loves me and I stand in that, that God is good all the time.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Bits and pieces

Usually I like to hear things with everything included. Nothing held back, this is what happened and this is what is done about it , or this is how  it will be done and this is what the result will be.
But life as I get older and find I have no or little control over anything , it's given to me in bits and pieces, at first OK maybe still this is frustrating for me, but today finding out some bits was about all this old heart could take, they were bits I longed to know, and thought I was so ready to hear, but after hearing some I am so thankful they came in bits, and that the person sharing them felt the Lord was doing what had to be done in his life. I wish the bits had never happened,I wish I had noticed, I wish I had seen. I wish I could fix everything !
Even if I had known it all , what could I have done but made myself crazy with worry and frustrated the person with questions, and maybe driven him away forever? Oh How I have to rely more on trusting the Lord completely even if it is gonna be painful, and have more patience and let Him work instead of trying to do it for Him, I am so good at that. wish it could be a job, I feel like God's red neck, "get er done" and God is saying, "Sit it down and wait, I will do it in my time"
So I am  once again sitting at the Lord's feet and asking for patience, asking for wisdom, and strength, and a silence till my words can be not of shock , but of "OK, I am listening"
These lessons can be so big, but sometimes I have to know they are not my lessons but someone else's and I am just to support them.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

This Morning!

17 My soul has been deprived  of peace;
    I have forgotten what happiness is.
18 Then I thought: My future  is lost,
as well as my hope from the LORD.
19 Remember  my affliction and my homelessness,
    the wormwood and the poison.
20 I continually remember them
    and have become depressed.
21 Yet I call this to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's faithful love
    we do not perish,
    for His mercies never end.
23 They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness!
24 I say: The LORD is my portion,
    therefore I will put my hope in Him.
25 The LORD is good to those who wait  for Him,
to the person who seeks Him.
26 It is good to wait quietly
    for deliverance from the LORD.

I read these verses this morning they are from the HCSB. I have been trying to read and memorize more of the word lately. We watched a movie called the "Book Of Eli" it was about a man who at the end of the world wanted to get the one Bible left to a place that printed books , Of course the bad guys got it from him and wounded him badly, yet he got to the printers and was able to quote the whole thing, it was ingrained in him Word.for.word. I may never get it word for word but I want it all in there, all of what God has , I have heard and said" the mercies of the Lord are new every morning" so many times, but well reading this, WOW, nothing was different for the writer of this from thousands of years ago then what I go through today. It is almost as if he was living my life. the word of the Lord is for each generation when people say there is nothing in there that applies to today, wow, we have so many verses we can show them if we know where they are. 
The Lord has so laid Titus 2:7 on my heart in regards to my teaching the children on Wednesday's and Sundays.
'about everything. Set an example of good works yourself, with integrity and dignity  in your teaching. '

It is such a responsibility and I want the Lord to help me lead the children right to Him , I think about the poorest of the poor, in other countries and my heart aches, yet it aches just as much for those right in front of me in my own neighborhood, church, and family. I wish I could just take in everyone and help them. I know that is not the total answer, The answer is JESUS...... Nothing else will change the whole world but Him. He is mighty to save.
So this day I will wait quietly for Him to answer, to give me the words to share, the love, the amazing, unconditonal love that only comes from Him. And the patience to see what He has for us in all of this.