Thursday, June 16, 2011

Random thoughts from a tired mind

I love this song and found it again so fitting this afternoon as I walked into the court house and it was raining," Lord what good was coming from all this, I want to believe that it will all work out and that, you will have your way fixing it and you will be glorified, but it hurts so much sometimes"
As always you provide the strength to get me through, and I know that your will is what I want in all this and for those I love.
I am so thankful that the trial for Chad's attacker is over, and that justice will be served there and he feels some closure, and he knows you and knows that he has to forgive, I am so glad at least I know our kids know you Lord. Though they have to walk their own lives and there lives will have pain and disappointments, so not what I wanted, I always want to give them a life that is easy and not painful....But what if they need all this to know you more, and follow you... Oh that is my prayer that my children are so in love with you Lord, as I am .
Father's day is coming and it is painful this year as I have befriended the boys Peterson side of the family on face book, and their oldest sister has posted a picture of her dad for Father's day, and seeing him, with his race car, the thing he choose over us is so very hard, HE .WANTED. A. CAR. more then us!?!?!? How do you register that? I can't and I look at the boys and think, how do they, with what they are going through in life  right now shows they so didn't handle it or his death so well, So I cry and pray that some how they will heal, I know they can choose to, and they say they want to, but it comes to patience for this momma as I want them to do what I think is best, and they are young men now, not my beautiful babies, still beautiful I think, but not babies, they are husband and husband to be, they are hard workers, they know they have to work to make it in life, they don't look for hand outs, They are funny  and loving and respectful, they know that life isn't always easy. So part of me feels like I did OK raising them, yet I always doubt myself, and I hate that I see a picture and I ask it "WHY" I will never get answers, But I love where God has brought me to , and I love my Kenny, I just need To know that the Lord has healed so much in me and will continue to as long as I let him, He will be with me, and teach me and walk it all with me. Even though I will have tears, and sleepless nights that tire this old brain, He loves me and I stand in that, that God is good all the time.

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