Monday, August 29, 2011

Earthquakes, Hurricanes and Love

WOW, what a week for our kids in Virginia, they had a earthquake, yea .. nothing about it makes me want to try it. and then the hurricane Irene, this weekend. They have come out with out any problems and I thank the Lord for that . To think He loves us that big is always so amazing to me to me, I want to always have that amazing Love for Him and be in awe  of His love  for me. Oh how I know I am not worthy of it, and to be so loved and wanted in relationship by the creator of the whole world, That is big.

Big things are coming up that I have been praying about and for, some exciting, like teaching 252 at church. WOW to be with these kids is so awesome I know I say that all the time, I am praying for boldness, to stand in front of people,it has never been me, don't like lots of attention, so how far I have come is only  through Jesus is all I can say with out His strength  I never could be doing this..
The other thing I have been praying about is 9/11 yes for the US, but also it will mark the 6 month anniversary of the earthquake in Japan, Please see my side bar for Andrea Swarthouts blog,( Andrea's Adventures) she is a missionary and daughter of our Pastor, she has been there through it all, Oh how I am joining her in praying for these people. The conditions there are frightening to say the least. Yet they go on day to day. May they find their strength is given by God, who loves them so.

And life goes on.. OK so yes a Beatles song just traveled through my mind. I love my sisters in Christ, and One who is living out of state just sent me some DVDs and books to read.. One is After God's own Heart, I started it last night at 9:05pm, yes I looked at the clock, and at 10:35pm, felt like I had only been reading for minutes, I am really loving it.
Well it is time I become domestic.. not really wanting to, but hey, once I start I like the outcome!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

So not feeling simple

I have had such a burning desire to draw deeper to the Lord, and coming off the best week of VBS, 5 little hearts given to Jesus, how precious and special is that, there is nothing better. It was pure straight spot on Bible teaching, the turn out the last night of parents was awesome. Just lots of good from God came of it. Well since I am not trying to hid and act like we are some perfect people cause God knows I am so very far from it.  I love all our kids with that mama tiger love and would do any thing I could for them, but as they are adults now and all have their own opions and desires and WILL! that don't always line up with things I like at all. The last few days have been pure attack in this area. It is frustrating and I know we can't compare one child to the next, but it is hard when one can go through something and learn and grow up so much from it, and another... Oh Lord help up. He is not seeing how he is hurting himself, others or us, nor does he care. Tim will tell you himself he doesn't intend to change, he is happy as is, with a 2nd DWI and doesn't want to change, nor take any responsibility for his actions, and I feel like by now something we have worked to show this young man should be showing in his life and it is not , I know he has free will. and this is a case I am learning that the Lord , will not take that from us. Not gonna lie, I would love even a day for  this boy to see what can come of being good, of having a love and respect for the LORD!  That life is fun and full with out alcohol. But that is not gonna happen so we need to find the right ways to deal with him, and set up healthy boundaries for all of us. and not have to feel divided. Tough love is going to be hard. BUT I know it is time, he can't hurt others and it be OK. Oh I know I pray Ken has the strength, he loves his kids and with Dan moving and being so far away, I see his longing to try and be even closer to the others. I pray we do and say just what the Lord wants us to . Nothing more or less, that we are bold, and wise in our speech and actions. Oh this journey, it is never boring. But the reward will be so awesome. Life with Jesus, yes better is one day in His courts then thousands else where, that is what this girl holds on to and believes.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

He is in the garage!

We are actively in the mist of VBS at church. It is a wild, busy, amazing time. Children have such a simple way of looking at life. 3 of them gave their lives to Jesus tonight, Oh thank you Father!
Tonight we had a little one say "Jesus lives in the garage" when asked where He lived. YES I totally am thinking of how to change some of my teaching methods, :) but in all honesty, Are we letting Him have our WHOLE heart, a heart that is maybe broken, maybe shattered, maybe feeling fine, but is He living in all of it, our have we put Him , or only allowed Him to live in the garage? Is it all about HIM!

Oh I want to give Him my all , He wants and deserves it, He died for it. He wants a relationship with us, one where, when life is feeling shattered, and stress is more then I can handle, I don't have a panic attack bigger then life and run out of church just in time to vomit in my husbands peanut can.
Bless you babe for having that handy!

I am the type of person who needs to process things and life feels so rushed and today instead of letting Jesus comfort my heart, and run my life I  think I maybe only let Him into the garage.
Instead of taking a few minutes to sit at His feet and cry and give Him the craziness of the day, I kept going , how often we do that, think we will make time for Him later, and He is a breathe away.
I know He was and is with me but I needed Daddy time at His feet, I needed to have Him looking at my whole heart to see it all. and help me deal with it all. I needed to do more quiet time with Him today. I need to become bolder to shutting things out and having that time, where I bring my heart to Him.
As simple as a child believes what they are taught and believe and know Jesus loves them. That I want, yet with the maturity too He has given me, I want to run after Him with all that is with in me.I want it to be all about Him.
When yelled at by some one in this life, I need to run after more of Jesus, give Him more of me, not just a quick, "Oh Lord make this stop"
When  I am sitting next to my hurting, learning hard life lesson child, I need to have been prayed up to handle anything so I could be supportive, even when it hurts my heart and rips it to shreds to see him pay such a price to learn a lesson, I need to remember my heavenly Father loved me enough to send His son, and watch Him get torn to shreds, hung on a cross, betrayed, and die. And that same Heavenly Father loves my son more then I do... Which must be over the top, as I adore the child to pieces, itty bitty pieces.  I must start looking at the good in this. This beautiful young man will have a few days of suffering but, his out come is now one of total freedom, He is in love and engaged and now can be free of lots of worldly things and be a GREAT husband. He  can look back into employment that is more his style. He sinned , he did wrong and he knows he has a price to pay, it is not easy. The road may be bumpy. But I have to find ways to take my hurt heart to the Father, and believe that as much as He can comfort me He will also my child. I have to be thankful, my child knows to go to His heavenly Father for help. and BE SO GRATEFUL, that he has had mercy shown to him, that he acknowledges, he needed for this to happen to be a better man. It takes a big man to admit he was wrong.

" OH Jesus, help my heart be strong, help me be there for my son, help me not put business and emotions before time with you, Lord, I give you all my heart, full of love and adoration, full of praise and worship to you. Give me wisdom and understanding, Help me be strong, and when my son comes to me hurting help me guide him to you, for I gave him to you as an infant and I give him to you again today, you have allowed me to be in his life and he has blessed me so.Thank you so much for him.
Thank you so much for loving me, for dying for me, for making a way for me. I love you so...AMEN!"

Monday, August 1, 2011

Simple wonderful worship, , How amazing that the Lord of all the earth would love ME!
It is a stormy morning here, and  reflection comes easy... I love storms, they amaze me, the wind, the rain, the rolling thunder, YES I am well aware of the damage they can do. SO aware, the kids house had a tree go through the wall this summer, and yet with all the damage in that area, the wall is still not fixed, they go with out power at least 3 times a week lately.
Yet things are not punishments from God, they happen, BUT .HE.STILL. LOVES!
God is a God of love.. He longs for us. He wants us to be Holy as He is holy, to love as He loves.
Some times I think it is easy to forget that first love for the Lord, yet we are called to it, and as mature believers we are called deeper. To renew our love a love that is deep and costly. It is hard to be attacked, but we are covered by grace and love.
I say this as it is what I am trying to practice, I cry at His love, I cry about the things I would like to be easier or different, I long to see my grandsons, Ben just turned two yesterday, he was 18 months old when he stayed with us last. so much has changed, He is not a baby, he is now a toddler, who thinks grandpa and grandma live in the computer. It hurts , but it doesn't change God's love.
Oh how I long to be known as a woman who loves God, if nothing else comes of my life that when I pass, people will say,"she loved Jesus" I want to be like him and serve till I can't move, Pray in silent for those in need, to pray for the broken world. And to show as much love as I can, as hard as it can be with some people, some people just don't want it. That is so hard for me to understand, to not want love. I have always thought it was a human need, but I have run into hearts that are just so hard, they don't care, or at least are not ready to care or recieve. They need our prayers. Our selfless prayers for others.
I have been so blessed to be in contact with a high school friend who is following the Lord, oh the joy and friendship, and the prayer times, are such a blessing. Something I had been missing in my life.God is so good to have let us reconnect at this time. I cry with joy , each time I see an email, and phone calls just can't last long enough. Having some one to share with about how much I love the Lord, and what is going on is such a blessing. and then to go to HIM in prayer before we say good bye.
It is those small things that get forgotten when one hurts.
Oh Lord I  am amazed by YOU!