Sunday, May 6, 2012

Some where in between

Do I hate that I can't eat certain things with out getting very sick since surgery, sure, but I don't hate that I had surgery. I am not totally feeling a love for it today either.
I can't eat chicken, unless it is in soup and pureed and my body doesn't know it is there, I tried it once, got sick, gave it time tried it again and got violently sick. Since then I have not tried it again, I mean 4 hours of vomiting, does something to a girl that makes her more cautious.
But since that violent vomiting my "pouch" new stomach, has not really felt good at all. the first bit of anything causes nausea, I am eating slow enough , It just seems those first few bites are not great.
This morning I had to miss church, as I just could not shake the feeling I was gonna get sick, Oh I did, I was so bloated, it was amazing, I looked huge on the upper half of my abdomen.
So I was glad that what ever was blocking me up passed and now it is just the nausea, but sometimes I still feel like with all the work I am doing and the little food I am eating I really deserve to be losing faster. But I also hear slow and steady wins the race. It is some here in between I need to get. Not hating, or loving, but a middle ground where this is good and I can do this.
I can do this, I will do this , I would just like it to feel better.
I would like to not miss things and people "well I am taking time to heal and adjust"
I feel normal, Ha normal for me, that is . Don't want to imply I am anything but me. Why can't I just get my body to work with me a bit.

I have been reading out of my Old NAS Bible, it is cool to use different translations at times, and cool to look back on things I underlined or wrote something in the margins.

I am finding comfort in my vomiting in Mark 7:14-23
I will paraphrase here and Jesus is talking about the things we eat are not things that defile us, as they  are eliminated. But it is from our hearts that we defiled by what is in it,, we so need to guard out hearts and fill it with the Word of God and be walking in His ways. Loving and showing His love to others.

"Heavenly Father I thank you for this journey you have me on, and  you and you alone are in total control, Lord I thank you that you will see me through and that nothing I can do will change things except rely on You, feed on your word, and live as you have directed. I give you my sour attitude and ask Father that you help me to not focus on me and not feeling well, but to be thankful in all things and that you will use all to your Glory.
Thank you for this day, for the time you have given me with my hubby, for the work you  have been giving him and for providing all we need.
I love you Lord. Use me as you will , thank you and praise you in the precious holy name of Jesus, AMEN!"

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