Well I am gonna start on the weight front, I have again lost several pounds, and am so glad for that. I have completed my goal of giving up all diet soda and caffeine. And have made it through a very hard week with out going to stress eating or chocolate. Actually can not remember the last time I had chocolate. I am so glad for this and happy my body and mind are finding other ways to deal.
On the life front this past Sunday was one of the hardest of my life, I don't understand it at all. I love the Lord, I try to follow His word and still fall so very short, I am just so not worthy, I am so glad the Lord finds me worthy. Words have been said that have cut my heart so deep, I am trying to find my way out.
I feel lost. I am not longer working with Kids Klub and I thought that was the answer instead it hurts worse then I can take, my email gets things all the time with kid info. and my hurt reopens.
I don't understand attending a church where some people find me so offensive, and wrong and not able to hear from God.
I have never been able to understand how people can be so mean. I am struggling, and trying to tell my self only positive and truthful things. I have examined my heart and know none of it is what happened. But the idea of 4 against 1 and the thought that I am unable to be forgiven cause I don't ask right and if I hurt one I hurt all , so really who am I suppose to ask and why are you all talking about me and thinking of all these things anyways. And God what am I to do with it now??? Really I need to know. SO I have spent lots of time reading, and praying and talking to people I respect. But it boils down to making a tough decision. and I hate those So I wait ......I know God is on the other end of this so at least I am not alone.