Feeling deep in a Valley

 Right now we are going through such a hard time, a VERY HARD  TIME we are in financial ruin of the utmost kind. I have been through so many hard things in my life( they may or may not ever be shared here) and I know now how God moved and used those those things to help me be the person He has made me today, who I like, it is wild to finally be comfortable in your own skin, it feels so wonderful..
But as I search my heart to find out what the Lord  is trying to teach me it is silent, He is not speaking. I read the word and find comfort. Psalm 28:6" May the Lord be praised for he has heard the sound of my pleading." HCSB. I have faith He does hear, but yet to tell what is going on.
On top of all of what Ken and I are going through, as a mom I sit and watch my children go through some of the hardest things in there lives and all I can do is pray,  that they learn their lessons, and that this brings them closer to the Lord, But as A mom I cry too, I want to take away the hurt, I feel I messed up some where, that  they have to learn these things now, I see them mourn the loss of their dad 10 years later, why was I so selfish I didn't spend more time helping them, then feeling my own pain... oh How ones mind can go to town  with negative thoughts. I do have to admit, I see Chad growing closer to his Heavenly Father  every day. We are blessed to be in an amazing Church with an amazing bible teaching pastor and he has the most Godly wife and she is so there for everyone, we are blessed. I know we are blessed we are free to love the Lord and to worship him, and who am I that I should feel so sad about things, things I see no human way out of , but as the next verse in Psalms says (28:7) "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart rejoices ,,, and I Praise Him with my song." I find I must trust him , as I do love and believe in him and it is all that keeps me going.
So maybe I should take up singing, my mom sings well, but I tend to lean more towards my daddy's voice, flat , a bit monotone, but he likes to in make a joyful noise to the Lord too, and whistles , I can't whistle, hmm. Will have to ponder this a bit.  There is something to writing it out, to praying it through. To know deep down, as gross as oatmeal for lots and lots of meals sounds, it is food, God will be thanked for it. And soon Oh soon Dear Lord show us what is going on, bring us out of this to your Glory. Redeem it oh Lord as only you can.

~Jenni~